Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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