After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
