Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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