His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
