Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
