i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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