News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
