apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
