I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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