If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
