All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
