no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
