This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
