Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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