I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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