it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A bitchslap is in order.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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