I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
