i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
