He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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