i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
