whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
