Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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