A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
