4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
