And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
