He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
