yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
