its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize