The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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