Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize