May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
