You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
