White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
