He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
