Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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