TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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