The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
