Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize