Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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