Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
