his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
