In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
