Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
