Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
