hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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