Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize