I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
