You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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