I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sarcasm needs its own font
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
