I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
