I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize