Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
