I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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