i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
