When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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