My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
