I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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