My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
