What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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