Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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