I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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