Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
