I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize