Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My bed smells like the plague
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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