i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
