i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
