I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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