ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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