I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
