Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
