A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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