So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
