I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
