turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize