Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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