So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
