Where did you get a picture of my penis
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
